Why My Spouse Does Not Complete Me.

First off let’s open this can of worms by saying that we absolutely, without a doubt, 110 % do love each other completely and whole heartedly more than any other person in this entire world. After over seven years of being together, and knowing one another for nearly fifteen, we truly are one another’s best friends, biggest encouragers and each others favorite people on the face of this entire earth… but we absolutely, without a doubt, 110% do not complete each other.  This may come as a shock, or sound strange to some, but it’s the truth, and we are all about being honest here. To say that we complete one another would be to say that we were incomplete before we met, and that would be an even bigger lie.The fact of the matter is we were already wholly whole when we met and began our relationship, extremely young but none the less complete individuals. We both had, and still do have, our own hobbies, likes and dislikes that are totally different from the others. This is not to say that there are not a lot of similarities in what we enjoy. Make no mistake, we are not talking about compatibility, but completion.

You see the reason that we can not buy into the lie that our culture sells us about your spouse making you complete is because we know where, and who, our completion rests in, and it’s not in each other. Think about that for a second. Think about the pressure that comes with having to make someone whole, having to be their determining factor in life. That now that they have you they can say they are final, made 100 percent. That because of you they lack nothing, want for nothing, need nothing. That you are someones totality, someones perfecter. We can’t speak for anyone else, but between the two of us we just know putting such weight on another human being, someone who is flawed, makes mistakes and has moments of inherent weakness, is just asking a little too much. It’s really a pretty unfair burden to the person we are placing that expectation on. 

The truth is we were each created in our completeness and designed to find our wholeness in Jesus. Before the beginning of the world God knew our very names and already predestined to be in His family (Ephesians 1:4-5). He had already established our personalities, and opinions. He had already determined our little quirks that make us who we are (Psalms 139: 13-14, Ephesians 2:10). And in doing that God specifically formed us to want for Him. To find our completion not in another human being, who will let us down, but in an almighty, unwavering God who will never falter, even when we do (Colossians 2:10, Proverbs 3:5, Psalms 118:8). Because of this, we can’t go along with the social normality and profess to find wholeness in each other, because we don’t.

We find our wholeness in our God, in our Jesus, and through that completion in Him, He brought our lives together to compliment one another’s. And through that complimentary relationship, through that give and take of weakness and strength founded in our Lord, we accomplish the goal set out for our lives, marriage and family, to portray Jesus’ love for the world, to the world. That partnership is so much richer, so much deeper, so much more meaningful than the shallow counterfeit that is offered.

Why you ask? Because you get to be yourself and your spouse, the one person you just love and enjoy being with so much that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them, gets to be their self. You get to enjoy the beauty and benefit of working well with each other without loosing one another to the pressure of being that persons glue that holds their life together. You can see the good in the differences between you and your spouse. You can be grateful for the areas in life that they strengthen you in. God will work through those complementary areas to bring out the best in one another and create the most fullest version of life that you were both meant to live together.

Love, appreciate and accept each other for who you were both created to be, for who you are independent of one another.  Appreciate the things that are unique about your spouse and how God fashioned both of you two together, on your own, to work together as a team. So that through your complementation of one another you can bring Him optimum glory united!

Love and accept each other for who you were both created to be, for who you are independent of one another. Appreciate the things that are unique about your spouse and how God fashioned both of you two together, on your own, to work as a team. So that through your complementation of one another you can bring Him optimum glory united!

So for us we are thankful for our uniqueness. We are thankful for the perspectives and abilities that make us individuals and allow us to work well together. We are thankful that we are each different and that where one of us struggles the other triumphs because together we’ve got it all, and we would choose complementary over completion any hour of the day, day of the week or month of the year.

Much love & prayer,

Matt & Blair

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